hi dad.

who am i?

i have gone twenty-two years just skating by without an answer. i have tried so very hard to fit in to my surroundings. to become what i thought i needed to be, not what i am.

i have an empty void, longing for something more. i do not know what i want. is what i want an identity? to know who and what i am? there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity.

i think the first step is just to start answering that question.

who am i?

i am authentic. i mean what i say. i come at everyone with the same curiosity and common ground. when i love, i love. i love with my whole heart. i love unconditionally. sorry, not sorry kind of love. right here, right now, no excuses kind of love.  

i have so much vigor for this life. i am energetic. sometimes too much and at the wrong times. i do not know how to turn it on and off.

however, the energy that pulses in my being can be transformed into positive and effective ways.  the law of conservation of energy states that the total energy of an isolated system is constant; energy can be transformed from one form to another, but can be neither created nor destroyed.

i must learn to harness the energy i have at my fingertips.

i will be unstoppable when i do, dad. (in a good way, i promise.)

i am exploring what this world has to offer me. i am meeting and fostering so, so many important relationships. I have friends, family, friends who are family… i have build an entire empire of support for jenna. i have people who have stopped and put their lives on hold to help me in my time of need. these people will be here for a lifetime. their love for me is unconditional.

it blows my mind how i am loved from these people. i am worth it, or one day will believe that. 🙂

i probably not have met my husband yet, dad. i am not worried or focused on it. i am healing jenna first.

i will be a kickass catch once i am ready.

however, dad, i can think of two safe, grounding men in my life for a season. not an actual season, but they are here for a certain purpose. maybe they will be here for longer, but they do not have to be.

bond is teaching me that i am deserving of love & good things as is.  just because i exist. no conditions. it’s simple: i exist so i deserve good things. i deserve good people, to shed the shame i carry so deep, to have fun, to be grounded.. because i am jenna. his season is my humanity.

the doctor is teaching me that i am smart; i am capable. i am beautiful and delightful. i am a raw beauty. i am lush, powerful, majestic. i am a gem, truly a queen. i have influence. i can say no. i can have boundaries. i can do this. his season is my power.

they offer me more than what i’ve listed, but they are so needed in my life right now. like the rest of my tribe.

my time is now.

xoxo,

your daughter