this comes from a journal entry from october 29th, 2018. i am sharing here because it is all apart of the process. i am just going to write what i wrote without editing it.

this is a content warning. i get graphic about my rape.

“my rapist, 

fuck you. i want to summon up all the snot + mucus I can muster up from the bottom of my being & spit it on you, you stupid bag of mayo.

the night you raped me… it is still with me. it will be with me for the rest of my life. i feel unsafe most of the time. i cannot sleep in the same bed as a man right now because his beard reminds me of your stupid sideburns… and that reminds me of the look in your eyes as i pleaded for you to stop strangling me. i thought i was going to die.

you are probably living your best life while i am crying right now. do you get off on how i feared for my life? i still fear. i logically know you are not going to harm me again. but i have been unsafe. and once you’ve been unsafe…….”

xoxo,

jenna