I created this blog with the intention to use it as a healing mechanism and a safe space to jot down the feelings, thoughts, experiences of losing my father at nine years of age.  I am going through a personal transformation with the help of a RAD therapist and a strong tribe of family, friends, and friends who are family. I am truly creating a life worth living, even after death and loss so significant.

What will you find here? I do not quite know yet. Maybe there will be letters TO him. Maybe there will be reflections ABOUT him and the demons we share. Maybe I will just yell in all caps about HOW much I miss him. Maybe there will be things unrelated to my father, but important to my transformation. My father’s death was the start to my story, but not the end.

Who was my Dad?

Jack Douglas aka Jug. Born November 4th of 66. He passed away on July 27th, 2005. Cause of death was determined to be suicide. He left behind his wife- Kathy- and three darling children. We were 14, 9(hey it’s me), and 6.

Other important players:

Papa: My father’s dad, my grandfather. Papa and Grandma raised me after age 11. Papa passed away peacefully in Nov 2017. Papa was my second father. Both my dad and I shared a common interest in wanting to make him proud… sometimes that happened, sometimes it didn’t. More about that at 11.

Grandma/Pisces: Papa’s wife and my dad’s mom. Loving mother and grandmother. I do not know how much I am going to divulge about her out of respect.

Older brother: Dad basically adopted him. Put his name on the birth certificate shortly after his birth and changed his name from K C to Kevin Christopher, even though he was not biologically his.

Little brother: A mini Jack Douglas and it’s eerie.

Mom/Kathy: This deserves a blog post itself. Highschool sweethearts. Back and forth until Feb 95 when they sealed the deal at Treasure Island. I came about Dec of 95. They loved a fierce, jealous love. Currently not associating with her. More about that at 11.

Uncle: My dad’s brother and best friend. Uncle has been sober for 10 years and I love him to bits. He answers all my dumb questions about my dad. I truly look up to him and admire him.

G: my ex boyfriend who I was with for almost six years. I broke up with him April 2nd, 2018 due to his emotional abuse. I saw a lot of living with G, however, and he took me 1400 miles from my home sweet home of Nevada to Kansas. G helped me start my adult life. He was a teacher of many things, good and bad.

Myles: my emotional support cat who is legit the best thing since sliced bread

There are tons others, but I will explain on the way. Get in!

xoxo,

your daughter